Its great to have things to look forward to in our marriage.But, there are a five common scenarios in which waiting for these is actually detrimental to our marriage.
By Ashley Willis
1. Waiting to work on your marriage until the kids are all grown and out of the house.
Whenever Ive posted about the importance of going to marriage retreats or making time to go for a short getaway from the kids, I usually hear from some couples who strongly disagree with this. Their main argument is usually, We are waiting to do that sort of thing until our kids are grown. Some say they simply dont have the time to invest in their marriage in the child-rearing years and that both of them agree that they need to put their marriage on hold during this time.
This mentality and way of life usually causes great friction between a husband and wife, and it often leads to an empty nest AND an empty marriage.
If we dont communicate daily and make time for each other WHILE the kids are in our home, then we wont really know each other very well or feel strongly connected to one another when the kids finally grow up and fly the coop.
Parents, please stop putting your marriage to the side and expecting everything to work itself out. It wont. Take time and invest in your marriage. Leave the kids with a family member or sitter every now and then, and just be a couple together. When you do this, you are preparing yourselves for the kind of marriage youd like to have when you no longer have kids in the home. And, dont you both want to have a thriving, enjoyable, deeply committed marriage? Of course! Then, you must start investing in your marriage right now.
2. Waiting to go on a date until the kids are a certain age or until you have enough room in the budget.
This is a BIG one for many couples. And, honestly, weve been there too. But, after a while, it started to take a toll on our communication and closeness with one another.
In the busyness of life, date nights are a breath of fresh air for a married couple. They allow us to talk through our feelings, to laugh and to get away from the grind for awhile. I think most of us can agree that date nights are a GOOD thing. Even so, we tend to make excuses as to why we cant have a regular date night. But, excuses wont get us anywhere.
We must find a system that works for us, and make date nights happen. As a family that has moved several times, this meant we had to find reliable babysitters shortly after we moved to a new town. We didnt live near family, so we found the sitters at our church and in our neighborhood. We also signed up for the monthly parents night out at our local YMCA. This has worked great for us over the years.
When it comes to budgeting for a date night, it can be tricky at times. Even if you can only afford to go once a month, I highly encourage you to do it. Eventually, you might be able to tweak the budget to allow a bi-montly or even a weekly date night. Just make sure you do it regularly. This will give you both something to look forward to, and it will greatly improve your marriage.
3. Waiting for the perfect timing to do that thing you both have been wanting to do for so long.
The older I get, the more I realize that life is short and there is usually no perfect time.Sure, we need to plan and be smart about all of our decisions in marriage, but we also need to see each day as a gift and opportunity to move closer to the dreams that we share. If you both are miserable in your jobs and dislike where you live, then let each day be an opportunity to get you closer to moving to that place youve always wanted to live and work in. Dont feel like you are stuck. We live in a day and age where there are so many opportunities at our fingertips, so dont let life pass you by only to grow bitter with regret. Keep dreaming together and work towards making those dreams a reality each day.
4. Waiting for your spouse to make the first move.
This one gets so many of us in trouble, and it leads to loads of misunderstanding.If there is something on our heart or we sense that something is off with our marriage, then we need to tell our spouse about this right away. Waiting for him/her to make the first move is counterproductive. We shouldnt be walking on egg shells around one another. We must be able to always speak the truth and receive the truth in love.So, make the first move and tell your spouse whats on your heart today.
5. Waiting to get help until things are really bad in the marriage.
My husband and I talk to couples in crisis every single day, and most of them say they wish they had reached out for help sooner.If we see the signs that something is wrong in our marriagefrequent fights, lack of communication, inappropriate behavior, one spouse spending too much time away from home, etc.then we need to reach out for help right away. Make an appointment with a Christian marriage counselor. Invest in anonline crisis marriage program. Purchase and read a marriage booktogether. Set up a time for you both to talk with your pastor at your church. Whatever route you choose, doing something to get the help you both need is so much better than waiting until things get worse and heart-breaking decisions have been made. There are so many amazing marriage resources out there. Please reach out and get the help that you need.
About the Author:Ashley Willis is a wife and mom of four boys who together with her pastor husband, Dave, foundedStrongerMarriages.organd the Marriage app as a way to encourage couplesto build stronger marriage. You can follow Ashleys blog on Patheoswhere she encourages women in faith, marriage and motherhood.
Copyright 2017 Social Zazz