13 People That Never Expected YouTube Fame

1. Charlie Bit Me

Imagine if some slightly embarrassing, but more or less inconsequential, moment of your early childhood was immortalized on film and then watched by over 800 MILLION PEOPLE. That is “Charlie Bit Me”. These British lads will someday grow to be old men, but baby Charlie will forever be biting his brother’s finger on Youtube.

2. Mini-Mall Guy

Sammy Stephens of the Montgomery Flea Market, whose enthusiastic jingle mesmerized the web; bringing so much funk to lyrics about living room furniture.
Something tells me furniture salesman was not his first career choice.

3. David After Dentist

There’s nothing like your first existential experience. That first moment you step outside your material body and look at the world through the cosmic lens of an adjacent dimension and see your father watching you with his four eyes…laughing. And then it gets to be too much for your spirit and you ask yourself “Is this going to be forever?”

4. Keyboard Cat

The more you analyze the appeal of Keyboard Cat the less powerful he becomes. There’s not really much to say. It’s a cat playing a keyboard. If you are a human being, you will see the humor in that.

5. The UFO Guy

Of all the people at Chicago O’Hare airport, the news reporter picked this dude… A rambling Texas stoner with a UFO obsession. In just over a minute he mentions alien graves, Jesus, restrooms, and the amazing revelation that space beings could be made of water.

6. Speak The Hungarian Rapper

One of my favorite Internet People songs comes from a bald goon named Speak who slowly walks the dreary hills of Hungary with his pale friends. Though he calls himself a rapper and gives a shot out to his “black brothers: Dre, Snoop, Puff, L, Tupac Shakur”, his vocal style would be more accurately referred to as talking.

In rudimentary English he repeats his pacifist plea again and again. You may laugh at the music, but you can’t deny the power of Speak’s naive sentiment because… well… we don’t want a war. It resonates more than any of Bob Dylan’s protest songs.

7. Top That

It’s one of the most awkward freestyle battles ever caught on tape. This scene from the 1989 film “Teen Witch” pits a hideously “funky” greaser against a magically-aided wallflower girl in a hip-hop lyrical duet just brimming with sexual tension. It’s probably been seen by more viewers on Youtube in the past few years than in all the years since the movie was first released. “30 Rock” even did a spoof of it.

8. Lil Showstoppa

Sometimes a Youtube video comes along that represents an entire generation… or even a moment in human evolution. Lil Showstoppa is the harbinger of the next breed of American: aggressive, fearless, and nasally congested.

Maybe it was just the the lighting in the room or maybe it was the limitations of her Wal-Mart webcam… but look in her eyes and tell me they aren’t pitch black like that of a shark. We cannot understand her soul. We see only darkness.

9. GOOBY

The trailer for this Canadian family film was so unintentionally scary and weird that it became an internet classic. The enormous furrie looks exactly like that terrifying fellatio bear in “The Shining”. Also you have Eugene Levy with Wolverine’s haircut. And comic sans… alot of comic sans.

10. Precious Taft

This unknown actress has only a 1 minute long Youtube clip on her resumé. Her bizarre monologue comes from a 1983 cable-access program called “Stairway to Stardom”.
It took her 25 years, but she finally got her stardom, albeit a weird one. That was beautiful, Precious.

11. South American Gnome

One of the most underreported news stories of 2009 was when a town in Argentina was “terrorized” by a gnome (or a dwarf with a traffic cone on his head). Even the New York Times dropped the ball on this, despite the proof existing right here on this video tape. It has to be real, because no fakers could have ever thought up the creepy way it walks sideways. That is just strange, and as we all know, truth is stranger than fiction.

12. Australian Party Kid

You’ve gotta respect this kid’s nerve. He throws the biggest party in the history of Australia and then when they get him on the news to beg forgiveness to the neighbors, cops, and his parents… he shrugs it all off. In fact, he advertises his party-throwing services to any other teenager watching. Epic.
If you hate him, it indicates that you are no longer young.

13. Ottoman Humpers

Does a furniture object desire fornication? And if so, does it vibe other furniture items or does it have unrequited crushes on the humans who sit on it? In this Youtube classic, a posse of young human men have their way with an ottoman footstool. Whether this upholstered item was promiscuous, lucky, or simply a victim will forever remain a mystery.