Let me quench my thirst with a STOLLi martini. BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () { if (BF_STATIC.bf_test_mode) localStorage.setItem(‘posted_date’, 1408049951); }); BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () { document.getElementById(“update_posted_time_3416847”).innerHTML = “posted on ” + UI.dateFormat.get_formatted_date(1408049951); });
1. Does the name “Corey Stoll” not ring the alarm for you? Does it not elicit a thirst that begs to be quenched? Then sit back, my friend, and listen:
2. This bald and beautiful studmuffin is Corey Stoll — full-time film and television actor, full-time life ruiner.
Frazer Harrison / Via Getty Images
3. You might know him as U.S. Rep. Peter Russo of the Netflix hit House of Cards.
Netflix / Via rustyrooster.tumblr.com
Here he is brooding and also naked in a tub. Perhaps an image you would like permanently tattooed behind your eyelids.
4. Or maybe you first noticed him as Ernest Hemingway in the fantasy rom-com Midnight in Paris.
Sony Pictures Classics / Via thewrap.com
He made the biggest literary mansplainer look hot — a crime for which he shall never be forgiven or forgotten.
5. And you’ll see him in the upcoming film adaptation of the novel This Is Where I Leave You.
Warner Bros. / youtube.com
Warner Bros. / youtube.com
He’ll be playing sibling to Tina Fey, Jason Bateman, and Adam Driver — as well as son to Jane Fonda — in what looks to be a great movie that your boyfriend will sleep through while you bawl your eyes out.
6. But you can currently see him on FX’s The Strain with a wig that just won’t give up when it needs to.
FX / Via rockstarspuds.tumblr.com
7. Dear The Strain showrunners — LET’S KEEP IT NATURAL AND GORGEOUS.
Netflix / Via riceblue.tumblr.com
To caress and massage what I am sure is a supple head containing not-lame conversation starters and easy recipes for breakfast in bed.
8. But the kind people at FX did give us this.
FX / Via batinmaterial.tumblr.com
9. And also a lot of this.
FX / mynewplaidpants.blogspot.com
FX / mynewplaidpants.blogspot.com
FX / mynewplaidpants.blogspot.com
10. Still, Corey can work all the hair he wants — be it on his head.
Kevin Winter / Via Getty Images
UGH.
11. Or above his upper lip.
Alberto E. Rodriguez / Via Getty Images
WOOF.
12. [Beyoncé’s “Rocket” plays in the distance]
Alberto E. Rodriguez / Via Getty Images
♬ YOU AIN’T RIGHT FOR DOING IT TO ME LIKE THAT, DADDY ♬
13. In sum: PLEASE, COREY STOLL.
Frederick M. Brown / Via Getty Images
14. GET YOUR GOOD-LOOKING SELF—
Stephen Lovekin / Via Getty Images
15. —ON OUR SCREENS MORE OFTEN—
Dave Buchan / Via Getty Images
16. —AND IN OUR LIVES 24/7.
Alberto E. Rodriguez / Via Getty Images
BYE.
Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/mattortile/more-like-corey-swole
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