1. Budweiser Black Crown
Summoned the bile from my stomach and dead from my brain.
2. M&M’s “Love Ballad”
I don’t like M&M’s in my meatloaf, or vice versa.
3. Audi
Car = PENIS.
4. Hyundai “Team”
One of the least terrible ads of the evening.
5. Go Daddy
BARF Refaeli.
6. Doritos
[hulu id=-awfqnivllkuvbjyfpazwq width=625 height=376]
Makes zero sense, but lots of product shot.
7. Best Buy “Ask Amy”
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
8. Budweiser Black Crown “Celebration”
Seriously, two of the worst beer ads ever produced.
I hate all these people.
9. “Oz the Great and Powerful”
[hulu id=c44tj4axuhtgr9ygo5zkog width=625 height=376]
I don’t care.
10. Coke “Cameras”
[hulu id=ncx4jjcxiqtmkybzkzm9xw width=625 height=376]
Not a new ad for the Super Bowl, but a good one.
11. OREO
[hulu id=3diblwn9stuqkjlzoylzqg width=625 height=376]
Sound and Fury, Signifying NOTHING.
12. “Fast and Furious 6”
[hulu id=ujyuf8gvqj6lsl1y2jxlva width=625 height=376]
I don’t care.
13. Toyota “Wish Granted”
Sound and Fury, Signifying NOTHING.
14. Doritos “Fashionista Daddy”
Meh? Meh.
15. Calvin Klein
[hulu id=t0yghkfdux-mu65qdhk6hw width=625 height=376]
His name is Matthew Terry.
I was mimicking his poses in front of the TV.
At least it was a simple ad.
16. Cars.com “Wolf”
Baybee Wolfie for the Win
17. Bud Light “Journey”
I wanted to here more of “Superstition.”
Otherwise, a solidly unmemorable ad.
18. Go Daddy
At least the sleazebags gave you a reason to buy here.
19. “Star Trek Into Darkness”
[hulu id=kyecjocxev4t01__4jik2g width=625 height=376]
I don’t care.
20. Milk “Morning Run”
[hulu id=lhlwivo7qipdqmpwuo8z8a width=625 height=376]
Sound and Fury, etc.
21. Hyundai Sonata “Stuck”
Also one of the least bad ads of the evening.
Look at that! A product benefit in an ad!
How fucking novel.
22. Volkswagen “Get Happy”
Racist? No.
Depressing as Hell? Yes.
23. Coke “Chase”
A big stinking overreaching MESS.
24. Subway “Congratulations Jared”
[hulu id=dfwcztmtwvb2lxbvg_wyea width=625 height=376]
Depressing as Hell.
25. Budweiser — The Clydesdales: “Brotherhood”
Sad and depressing as Hell.
26. Taco Bell “Viva Young”
Mildly fun.
But also ageist — LOOK AT DEM GOOFY OLD PEOPLE.
27. Skechers “Man vs. Cheetah”
[hulu id=ah1sxtdenhibnycvdspm3w width=625 height=376]
Just…AWFUL.
28. Lincoln “Phoenix”
[hulu id=av8jj-ji5awpxqkgnegjrw width=625 height=376]
My GOD, that was boring.
Who wrote this, the CEO?
29. Jeep “America Will Be Whole Again”
[hulu id=zokc7nqsxdox3yw325sgea width=625 height=376]
“There WILL be an advertiser who exploits our soldiers…”
30. NFL “Surprise:
[hulu id=qhbi2pkgos_qvcbhmbp5pw width=625 height=376]
I hate American “football” so I don’t care.
31. History Channel “Vikings”
[hulu id=wu3jyoqaw328suu6rlinsw width=625 height=376]
I don’t care.
32. “Iron Man 3”
[hulu id=5redo8wzm-hq2otecptirq width=625 height=376]
I don’t care.
33. Century 21 “Wedding”
I want to live in Century 22 where commercials like this hopefully won’t exist.
34. BlackBerry “Z10”
For your sake BlackBerry, I hope the phone is better than the ad.
35. E-Trade “Save It”
Time to kill the Baby, E-Trade.
36. Subway “FebruANY®”
“Ha” said nobody.
37. Bud Light “Lucky Chair”
At least there was Zoe Saldana.
38. Axe “Lifeguard”
And Axe becomes the 127th brand to use the stupid go to space gimmick.
39. Mio “Anthem”
“Change” your spokesperson, Mio.
40. Kia “Hotbots”
“We want to do the tired, sexist “babes with cars” thing, but stupider. I know! robots!
Somewhere, the Svedka Fembot is masturbating. The Hotbot is Miss USA 2011 Alyssa Campanella.
41. Gildan T-Shirts “Getaway”
Creepy is as Creepy does.
42. Wonderful Pistachios “PSY Get Crackin’”
Is this dude’s 15 minutes up yet?
43. Lincoln “Once Upon A Tweet”
[hulu id=jcls9pqiy7iec_ubjp-k9a width=625 height=376]
“It’s a story that start with you. Because luxury always should.”
Senseless CEO copy again.
44. Speed Stick “Unattended Laundry”
One of the worst of the evening.
45. Beck’s Sapphire “No Diggity”
No digging it.
46. NFL “Leon Sandcastle”
[hulu id=shhpswavx2cipto4pkrooq width=625 height=376]
SANDCASTLE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (breath) ha.
47. Ram Trucks “Farmer”
I want my 2 minutes back.
You’re a fucking truck, settle down.
48. Kia “Space Babies”
Cute, and sold me on Kia not at all.
49. Tide “Miracle Stain”
[hulu id=alxzuiunstd6js2jx8i5hq width=625 height=376]
Tripe.
50. SodaStream
SodaStream would have had the best ad of the evening, if CBS wasn’t held hostage by Big Sugar. Here’s their banned ad.
51. Mercedes-Benz “Soul”
Considering the actor fees and the $1.5 million song fee and the production costs, this commercial was one of the biggest wastes of money in advertising history.
52. Samsung “The Next Big Thing”
You know how I know you’re gay…?
53. Pepsi Next
Sorry I missed this one.
Terrible.
Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/copyranter/all-52-super-bowl-ads-right-here
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